Motel Beds
by RenDen
Summary: Post 4x21- Three months have passed since Dean last saw Sam and his whereabouts remain unknown. Irene is getting desperate, trying to find Sam, while Dean and Tara haven't been of much use in searching for him. Irene begins to wonder if what she finds will still be the Sam she fell in love with. Dean/OC and Sam/OC. Heavily weighted on Sam's OC. First chapter is a bit of a monologue
1. Chapter 1

_A few weeks after Sam goes missing, Irene becomes desperate for something constructive to do. Hunting down Ruby seemed like the perfect thing to do. Ruby tells Irene far more than she wanted to know._

" 'Well aren't you quite the sorry sight?", I said, smirking to myself. This shouldn't be too difficult.

He attempted to glare up at me from under his too-long bangs. What should have been a hard-as nails look was ruined with pathetic bloodshot eyes. I pouted.

"Poor, poor Sammy Winchester. I take it you couldn't bring him back?" Your precious Sam visibly blanched and looked into his glass. It seemed like I struck a chord. I decided I might as well milk it for all it was worth.

"You did promise him, after all. You promised and it didn't work."

Sam looked up at me then. I leaned against the door frame, resting my hip.

"No. I couldn't bring him back. But you promised, Ruby. You promised that helping me would help Dean. That was the only reason I worked with you." He set the now empty glass down on the table with a distict clink.

"But now Dean's gone.", He said. " So now…now what?" I knew then that I had him. Hook Line, sinker. I pushed off the wall and walked towards him.

"Well, you called me for a reason…did you have anything in mind?" I made a stop in front of his chair, my heels resounding against the eerily quiet walls. He looked up at me and I could see why Sam was Dean's and your weak spot. In that moment, I understood. I didn't see Sam, I saw Sammy. He refilled his glass before replying.

"I think you know, you could help me find a way to bring him back. I don't know what to do, Ruby. I asked every demon I could think of. Crossroads demons, even random demons I came across. None would deal. They said that now that Dean was doing the hell rumble.." He paused and swallowed.

"They said that now Dean was out of the way, I had a better chance." I plastered a sympathetic expression on my face.

"Sam you and I both know that we can fix this-"

"Except we don't. Ruby, don't try bluffing me and telling you can snag him out of there. It's not going to be that simple. I know." I dragged a chair to where Sam was and sat down, crossing my legs. Truthfully, I had no idea if Dean would ever get out. But I had to find a way to make Sam believe again. If Sam didn't believe, than I would have lost. My plan would have been for naught.

"Sam. Sam, look at me." He sighed and looked at me.

"Do you think that demons would want to give Dean up? They'd rather him in the pit than you, need I remind you that you are more like them than Dean?" Sam shuddered at the thought and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What are you trying to say-"

"I'm trying to say that those demons wouldn't have told you anything, even if you threatened them with the colt. There is a way to get him out. But they wouldn't tell you that." Sam seemed to consider this.

"But you could?"

' I'm not saying it'll be easy. Actually, it'll be difficult. But it's possible. He's not lost to you.' I'd tell you that it made me feel sick throwing false, sweet promises at him, but it didn't. I relished in the flicker of hope in his eyes, savored the desperateness that seemed to shadow his every move. He was so broken, any sign of the Winchester fight left gone. And he was mine. And he _loved _me. That night and every night. Sometimes deep and slow, sometimes fast. It all depended on what I wanted. Because I have him wrapped around my finger." She grinned up at me, seeming to enjoy my momentary speechless state.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Didn't know exactly what went on with Sammy and me before he met you?" She cackled gleefully, a sinister glint in her eyes. She blinked and they were black. The demon leaned as far forward as she could, restraining against the bonds tying her to the chair.

"And here you probably thought you and Sammy could have a cute little house with a red door and a picket fence. Here's to you and your future, Mrs. Winchester. I think Sam would join me in toasting you with a glass full of demon blood."

I couldn't suppress the surge of rage that coursed through my body. Seeing red, I grabbed Ruby's own knife and grasped it tightly.

"I appreciate the sentiment." I walked up to her, hating that smug look on her face.

I crouched to her level and grabbed her by the neck.

"Keep your eyes open, bitch. I want to see the black fade away as you die."

She spat in my face and laughed.

"Gotta love your guts, girlie."

A smirk of satisfaction twitched at my lips as in one fluid motion, I pressed the knife to her throat and sliced.


	2. Chapter 2

**_-Three Months Later-_**

I sighed as the water ran over my fingers, washing away the day's grime. Glancing up at the mirror, I could hardly recognize myself. I ran a hand through my tangled hair and looked wearily at the slight figure in the reflection.

Travelling alone can do that to you, I guess. I thought that revenge would just fix things. Once I found Ruby, everything would get better. Somehow, I'd find Sam. I was wrong.

After killing Ruby, nothing changed. I drove back to the motel and washed the knife. I took a shower and went to bed, hoping, expecting, relying on the pipe dream of Sam. But now I know that he's gone. No one knows where he is now. The only remnant of the awkward, nerd, but courageous Sam I fell in love with is the picture I carry around in my wallet. But even that picture has grown worse for wear as the months passed.

I turned off the tap and shook my head at my reflection. Smirking at the sorry sight, I spoke.

"You know he used to pray every night. Not Dean, Sam. Kind of ironic, you know? But at least now he knows why there would never be an answer back." The angels gave up on Sam when he was six months old. Unlike them, I would never give up. I guess now, looking at the reflection of an overworked, tired person, it isn't healthy.

My phone rings, the sound cutting through the silence. I'd like to ignore it, to continue to contemplate how I even got to this stage, but the caller ID throws me off. Reeling inside, I picked it up.

"Tara? I haven't spoken to you in a while." I hear someone else, presumably Dean talking in the background.

"That's because you've never picked up." I don't have a response for her. It's true, but I haven't been avoiding her. I've just not been talking to anyone recently.

"Oh. Well you caught me at a good time. You called? " I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed.

"Irene, you know what this is about. I'm worried about you." She lowers her voice and continues.

"I mean, ever since Sam ran off-"

"I'd-I'd rather not." Of course, I knew that there was a catch.

"You know the demon blood wasn't your fault. You weren't even born when Azazel-"

"I could have helped. You don't-" I paused. There was no right way to say what I was going to say right now.

"I knew. I knew something was wrong with him. I could _tell, _Tara. There was a darkness in his heart, and I could've _ASKED-"_

_"_Irene, we both know how that would have turned out. The Winchesters are class A liars-" There was a yell of indignation from Dean in the background.

"Sam might not have told you even if you asked. I know it hurts to hear that, but it has been three months. You have to understand."

I couldn't respond. I couldn't open my mouth. He wouldn't have told me. Ofcourse not. Class A Liars. Get a grip. I choked down the hurt in my throat.

"Alright.", I said. Not like I had the capacity to say anything else. A voice inside my head told me that I'm getting soft. Get a grip. You're supposed to be a hunter, not the host of a pity party.

"Hey, listen to me. _We'll find him_, no matter how long it takes, you know that."

"Yea, I know. I have to go now."

"Ok. We'll talk soon."

"Bye."

I put the phone down and thought for a minute. All I have been doing for the last three months has been sitting, thinking about the past. Occasionally calling hunters asking about Sam. As cliché as it sounds, he wouldn't want that. It was time to go.

Once I came to this realization, I was itching to get out of that motel. I grabbed my bags and hastily checked out. Too preoccupied to care about small talk with the receptionist, I climbed in my car and tore down the road.

As I was driving down the narrow stretch of road, I was realizing something. I just pulled a "Dean". Rushing out of that motel for Sam, regardless of what state he was in, was fairly characteristic of the hunter. I chuckled to myself but the humor faded as soon as it came. I didn't even know where I was going. Following the "spur of the moment" nature that was prevalent, I made a call.

"Hey Dean."

"Who is this?" Dean's voice sounded gruffer than I remember.

"Dean, it's Irene. Do you know anything about Sam?"

"Irene, if I knew, I'd be finding him right now." I furrow my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I guess I should have known. I'm driving aimlessly right now, hoping that somehow, I'll see him. It's gotten to that level of desperate."

"We'll find him, Irene, don't worry."

But it seemed every time someone said that to me, they were assuring themselves rather than me. It's time for me to comfort myself. I quickly said goodbye and drove on.


	3. Chapter 3

It suddenly seemed incredibly backwards to me. What I was doing felt unreal; using the "demon powers" Azazel had so kindly gifted to me so I could find Sam. Sam was the reason I really even knew what they were. Had he not scoped out every single potential "child of Azazel", I may have just gone on not knowing. The more likely fate was that I'd think that I was insane for even believing that I could read and sense minds. It sounds ridiculous even thinking about it.

I distanced myself away from those irrelevant and bittersweet thoughts and focused. Trying to figure out where Sam was by attempting to _sense_ his presence sounded like an easier plan in my head. This was getting too complicated; how was I to look for his "mind" when I didn't know if he was human in the first place. As the minutes ticked on and on, I grew frustrated with the overwhelming silence that pressed upon my shoulders. Irritated, I sighed sharply and eyed the house warily again. After an hour of aimless driving, I received a text from a hunter friend which said that Sam had been spotted drifting about the area, and was staying in this shack of a house.

"Screw it all", I said, and got out of my car. The bite of the cold air helped me come to my senses as I let my hunter instincts kick in. A sense of dread filled my body with every step. After three months, I had never considered the very real possibility that Sam wouldn't be savable. All that echoed through my mind was "Find Sam", "Kill the demon". So at that point, the fear of what could be in that house shook me to the core.

I walked up to the door and knocked, hesitating at first. The knocks went unanswered so I took it upon myself to kick the door open. The door swung open and clattered against the wall. I almost resented the noise as it reverberated throughout the neighborhood. I squared my shoulders and walked in.

The house smelled old. Paint was chipping on the walls and sheets covered some of the furniture. It looked like no one had been here for a long time. I could have just peeked around, declared no one was here, and ducked tail. But I was determined to find any trace of Sam, so I scoured the downstairs area until I heard the floor above me creak. A combination of hope and dread rushed through my veins as I glanced above me.

It seemed almost fabricated, Sam couldn't really be upstairs, one floor above me. I paused for a moment, a cynical voice inside my head telling me that it wasn't Sam. I listened closely, closing my eyes, and there was another small thud. Inhibitions out the window, I practically flew up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. Was he there? Was is him-

I heard the cock of a gun. Damn.

Slowly, I turned to the source of the sound. And there he was. Standing there, pointing that gun at my chest, looking nothing like how I remembered him. Nostrils flaring, and eyes glinting, he smirked a little and kept the gun trained on me.

I gaped at him, not knowing how to begin. My eyes zeroed in on the barrel of the gun, and my voice caught in my throat.

"S-Sam. You're here." I croaked out. My brain must not have been connected to my mouth, because I wished I could have snatched the words out of the air when I said them. Because Sam, the one I knew, really wasn't _here_.

"Save it, Irene." he spat. It hurt, hearing him say my name like that. My eyes flicked up from the gun and I looked at him, taking in his appearance, locking in on his coal black eyes. Why did I ever think he'd stay the same for me? I relaxed my hunter's stance. It's not like it mattered anymore.

"Sam-"

"What. I know you killed Ruby." He knew. Even though he was apparently livid, I was glad that he knew about me during these last few months.

"I had to, Sam you need-"

"Don't _tell_ me what I need."

"Fine. I'll tell you what I need. Sam." I stepped closer. He raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to come closer. I looked plainly at him and knocked the gun out of his hands.

"I don't need the gun, I could hurt you without that."

"Sam do you even know what you're saying? I guess people saying 'It's always been you' and 'You're the one' must have gone to your head. Sam. Get your head out of your-"

"**_Irene_**-"

"Don't, SAM! We BOTH know who's fault this is." I could tell what he was about to try and use his demon powers to shut me up, so without moving my eyes from his coal black ones, I reached up to touch his temples with my hands. He stared at me before falling, a look of shock and betrayal plastered on his face. I murmured an apology and laid him on the floor. His body splayed out on the ground, I didn't notice that I was not alone with Sam. Someone cleared their throat.

"Am I interrupting something? I didn't know Sam had a vengeful ex."

I turned around and looked at a young woman in a black dress. I blinked for a moment, not knowing who she was. Whoever this demon was, I knew she wasn't good. She smirked at me.

"I just wanted to see how it played out. And I'm guessing you have the demon blood in you too?" I nodded curtly, trying to figure out a way to get my hands on her. One touch and she'd be dead. I made a mental note to ask Sam who this random demon was.

She sauntered closer.

"Well it's been nice to meet you. I'd best be going. I never stay long, or Sam may want more." She raised her arm and gestured to a gash. My jaw clenched. As she turned to disappear, I reached out and grabbed for her neck, relieved when I was able to close the distance. Her eyes widened as she began to grasp what I was about to do. With one blink, the demon exited her body, and the woman fell limp in my arms. I watched as black smoke barreled out of the room.

The mystery woman slipped from my arms and I sighed. This was one hell of a story to tell Bobby.


End file.
